(I have been asked various questions about the content of my opinion piece on Ideals, Values & Relationships. Here is a response to questions about marriage as an ideal.)
What is an ideal?
It is an idea in the mind of what is possible & desirable & attainable with effort and thus what should be aimed at as a goal of a life-commitment or a major pattern of behaviour.
That ideal may be the equivalent in terms of definition and realization of a moral duty derived from conscience, natural law or revealed, divine law.
The difference between describing it as an ideal and a commandment/duty/divine ordinance is in the realm of how one assesses one relation to it and thus how one assesses failure to achieve it.
In modern society & the modern Church to try hard and to fail to reach the ideal (especially if it is difficult like life-long marriage in a divorce
culture) is a cause for congratulations and the real possibility of general agreement of the opportunity of a second chance.
In biblical terms and in the Gospel Church to fail to obey a commandment, however difficult and for whatever reason, is a sin against God and requires penitence and absolution before even the possibility of a second chance to obey can be considered or properly in place.
There is no doubt that Jesus taught that the divine ordinance of marriage was a one-flesh union of two persons until death parted them. Under the Old Covenant because of the weakness [hardness of heart] of human beings God allowed divorce under certain conditions; but, this permission did not change the basic order of creation and divine order within the covenant of grace. Jesus republished the original law and ordinance of God for marriage as binding on his disciples - what God has joined together let no man (modern let no-one) put asunder - and offered to them the Spirit of the new covenant to assist them obey divine Law.
Thus in no way can the Christian doctrine of marriage be said to be an ideal for baptized believers. It is not only an ordinance of creation but it is also a commandment of the Lord to those who are members of the new covenant and of the Household of God.
Of course in a divorce culture, pastoral care (a) for those who are involved in seeking to obey the commandment faithfully & lovingly and (b) for those who break the commandment of one-flesh union for life must be available, gracious and in line with the will of God, making use more of Gospel-based moral and spiritual advice than modern therapeutical norms and methods, which are related to ideals not divine ordinances.
The Rev'd Dr. Peter Toon
Minister of Christ Church, Biddulph Moor,
England & Vice-President and Emissary-at-Large
of The Prayer Book Society of America
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