AVOID RELATIONSHIPS

It is amazing how some words come into everyday speech and then having arrived there seem to be indispensable. Such is RELATIONSHIP.

Until the mid-20th century it was comparatively rare. It was the word used to denote the experience of, or the enjoyment of, a relation; and a relation [the key word] was a permanent kind of association or union or partnership between persons, even as a relative is a person to whom one is bound for ever by ties of blood or marriage.

In fact relation [Latin relatio] was hallowed because it is the word used in classic Christian theology of that which with the one divine nature unites the Three Persons of the Holy Trinity. Since these relations between Father & Son, Father and Holy Ghost, Son and Holy Ghost are eternal, ineffable and infinite, then relation was used in human affairs of permanent unions and links, not temporary ones.

Since World War II, one usage of relationship as an empirical reality that accelerated its entry into common vocabulary was that of avoiding speaking of fornication or of adultery by saying that "he was having a relationship." This took any moral judgment out of what he was doing.

Now, it has come to refer to be used indiscriminately of any kind of association or union or partnership or cooperation or being alongside of persons, organisations, countries, pets and so on. It is a word (like
values) that has no moral content and is merely intended to be descriptive of an association that can be broken at any time by one or other of the participants.

Listen to the Radio for an hour any day any time and you will be sure to hear its use in all kinds of ways - I have just done so with the BBC Radio with references to the broken relationship between the USA and Germany and of relationships between person well known in them media and of same-sex partnerships.

Try to go for a day without using the word and you will see how common it is!

Why should we avoid it in Christian discourse, especially evangelism, preaching and teaching and language in worship?

1.To speak of a relationship with God is to demean God, his covenant of grace and ourselves. The relation into which we enter through baptism/faith/conversion and signified through justification is not an ephemeral, temporary one but is an eternal being "in Christ" unto the Father. Even if we are faithless HE holds on to us for the covenant of grace is sure. The Bible provides us with many words by which to speak of this holy relation and we do not need to use the word relationship.

If we offer people a relationship with God we are offering them something that bears no relation to the biblical data and to the Christian doctrine of the new covenant!

2. To speak of marriage as a relationship (which most of the popular books and sermons seem to do so) is to demean God, the institution of marriage and ourselves. Marriage is a relation, an order within creation, and is intended by God's design to be permanent, not merely as long as one of the spouses feels like it. If we offer people a relationship via marriage we offer them the divorce culture. Again there is a sufficient supply of words available in the Bible and Christian tradition to describe marriage and we do not need to use relationship.

3. To speak of relationships between the Three Persons of the Holy Trinity is to speak heresy and is to blaspheme! That which binds the Three together and which also distinguishes their separate Personhoods are relations of Holy Order and are more than eternal and more than infinite. Since the time of St Augustine the Church has called these RELATIONS.

Sept 24,2002

The Rev'd Dr. Peter Toon
Minister of Christ Church, Biddulph Moor,
England & Vice-President and Emissary-at-Large
of The Prayer Book Society of America